Monday, August 22, 2005

What Your Dreams Mean Strikes Back

Alright Guys and Dolls, Ladies and Germs, Amoebas and Protozoans, it's time for me to get my John Edward-Sylvia Brown on. First, I have to get in touch with the spirit world. Hold on while I make a trip to the cow pasture...(5 minutes pass)...Alright, I am back. Everything looks so purple and hazy here in the spirit world...What's that? Oh, okay. My tape dispenser said I should get on with the dream interpretations, and stop acting like damn, dirty, stinky, hippy. So, before my tape dispenser destroys the universe as we know it, your dreams:

Jessinunu: I have this dream over and over again, where I am in bed with a fine man with very small hands and feet. he is beating me and I like it! then, it changes and I'm in a church getting married to him and he has a dead rabbit around his neck.... so, what do you think?

*ZZZZZZ* *ZZZZZZ* Huh? What? Sorry, I dozed off for a sec there.

Alright Jessi, first let me say that you are nuckin' futs! My tape dispenser is telling me that he believes this dream comes from you being in a bad relationship for alot of years, and you are now looking for a way out. Maybe have found a way out...What's that tape dispenser? Tape dispenser says he's single, and doesn't mind bunny boilers, if you're interested.

Anonymous: Lately, I have no dreams. I sit curled up in a tiny little ball, hiding in the closet, unable to sleep. Hiding from the monkeys. Damn dirty apes.

Marky Mark Wahlberg? Is that you? You and your so called, "Funky Bunch" better get off my blog before I let Tape Dispenser, huh? What was that? Some call you Tim? Okay, I'll remember. Where was I? Oh Yeah! Before I let Tim the Enchanted Tape Dispenser unleash unlimited cosmic destruction about your face and person...HARD!

Fitch: I have this recurring dream, where I post a comment, only to find that I have posted it anonymously, by accident. Am I dumb as a monkey?

Well Fitch, This sounds like a subconcious manifestation of your desire to be treated like Marky Mark Wahlberg. No that does not make you as dumb as a monkey, but you are quite possibly as dumb as Mark Wahlberg. Tim says though monkeys are smarter than Mark Wahlberg, only a few IQ points seperate them.

Gina: so your into dreams and such ... interesting , sometimes I have dreams that come true , so I hate to dream ... but some are just that dreams and yes I usually can decipher what they mean ...

i am glad there is another like me around ...

Stop your blaspheming, or Tim will destroy you with extreme prejudice. No one can interperate dreams like Tim and I! O mighty Tim the Enchanted Tape Dispenser, may your rage cool for this mere mortal had no idea the power you posess! Please O Mighty Tim, you musn't smite her, I need the site traffic.I must sacrifice a posted note on the angry alter in order to save Gina's life. Tim thists for destruction, and he will not be quieted until the sacrifice is made. Go now, Gina, and remember not to anger Tim!

Jimmyb, the CUG: I have a recurring dream where the US was attacked by terrorists, and then a couple months later liberals do all they can to help them and hurt the military and Republicans and conservatives, regardless of the cost to our country. These same liberals hate God and religion (except Islam), hate freedom, and seem to want to take my guns.

When will this nightmare ever end?

Well Jimmy, you need to stop eating pickled okra before bedtime. That is such a horrible nightmare! I am glad it is not true, because if it were, Tim would destroy this world with his strange and frightening mental powers.

SeanS: I dream of Jeannie.

That's all.

Don't we all? Huh? Tim says he likes my cell phone better than Jeannie. Tim! Stop that! Down Boy! Let me get the water hose! Damn It, Tim! Now my key pad is all sticky!

Gunn Nutt: I dreamed that I was mistaken for a liberal moonbat (I don't know why) and was punished by being impaled on a spike.

Well GN, I think this dream is pretty straight forward. You harbor a deep seated fear of fish caused by seeing your grandmother in the shower as a small child. You should seek therapy. Tim has reasonable rates if you want to get with him after the post.

There it is loyal readers. Thanks to all that participated, even Mark wahlberg. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Now I am going to vomit and pass out, not necessarily in that order.

Disclaimer: No mushrooms or tape dispensers were harmed during the making of this post. The dummy that writes this garbage is full crap. Impale terrorists on spikes? He should be impaled on a spike, the friggin' neo-con, war for oil, right-wing, nut-job. What's that? OH MY GOD *spew, gurgle, gasp* Sorry folks. Tim had to destroy the lawyer that was writing my disclaimer. It turned out he was a hippy, and he had to be destroyed immediately.